Being selfish - justified?

          

          There was a time when my parents used to say that this is a selfish world have you have to think of yourself first rather than of others. They even used to scold me for being too selfless. And I used to think, "How can they be this way?" Now I guess I know better.

          I never thought I would ever see eye to eye with my parents upon this subject. Don't get me wrong, I respect and look up to them. But I am the kind of person who never accepts anything at face value. I need proof, I need practical examples or better experiences. And my experiences, even since I came to college, have taught me that yes, this is a selfish world and no one comes before oneself. It's only me, myself and God.

          It is kinda strange and those of you who think the way I used to think won't be comfortable with this theory. You will deny it, oppose it and label me as a 'selfish' person. But you know what? I don't care. Yeah, it's part of the new theory. If no one comes before you, neither does anything they have to say matters to you anymore.

          Okay, Lemme clarify a few things. By selfish I don't mean the kind of selfish who doesn't care for the feelings of others and their problems. For example, if you see a very thirsty person and you have water, it would be morally wrong and totally against humanity if you refuse him or her water. I know what I am saying doesn't make much sense but just think over it. The only person in the world who would want the best for you is you, yourself. Parents, friends, spouse or your partner come after that. You know your comfort zone better than anyone else. You know your capabilities and you know what you want. So the only one who could get you what you want is none other than your own self. You know your needs. And so you will look after them.

          How many times has it happened that you were thinking of others before yourself and then you were the only one who suffered? Just stop, look back and think about it. I did and I realized that this has happened with me a number of times. One of my friends continuously says to me that I a really sweet and nice because I think of others first. That I put them and their needs and comforts before mine. I never realized how wrong that sounded until much later. When I did, I was already hurt and there was nothing I could do about it. So I did what most people do. Vent my anger in the stupidest way possible. Facebook. I did the very thing I detest. But there, it's done and I can't change anything.

          But that day I did decide one thing. I was never gonna let people take advantage of me again. It'll be only me and my comfort and my needs first, before anyone else's. I was done being the 'sweet and nice' person.

          Don't misinterpret me please. My closest friends, who understand me and respect my feelings, my parents, my partner still hold more priority for me than I myself do. And they always will. That's the way I am and frankly, I will not have it any other way. But it's high time I stop inconveniencing myself for others. Those days are now gone. 

Love & Relationships

            Alright, I know. The most debated, discussed and worn out topic in the world. And I am not talking about love for parents and children. It’s like been there, done that, time and again. But I still got things to say.

Love – the most misinterpreted feeling in the world. How many number of times do people confuse so many other things with love? Crush, infatuation, lust, obsession…there are so many wide range of feelings and emotions that people confuse with being in love. Mostly they just don’t know the difference. Other times they are so obsessed with the concept of love that they start to imagine they are in love. Sometimes they just need someone to accept them and care for them and wherever they get the attention they delude themselves to thinking that it’s love.

So, I ask you the oldest question in the history of time. What is love? The Oxford dictionary defines love as, “a strong emotion of affection and personal attachment.” But if you ask me, the Oxford dictionary couldn’t have been more wrong.

Love, according to me, is an emotion that can never be put into words. Unless you’ve been in love you can never understand what it is. Love is not just affection and attachment though I agree there’s plenty of that too. Love is understanding, respect, care, support, trust and selflessness. Love is not allowing your ego to come between the two of you. It’s about ‘us’ and not ‘you’ or ‘me’.

I recently attended a lecture by a psychiatrist on this very topic – What is love? And what all she said was damn true. But what she said about long distance relationships? Not so much. Whether a long distance relationship works or not depends on the people involved. It depends on their understanding of each other and their willingness to make it work. As they say, where there is a will, there is a way. Who said you need to look into each other’s eyes everyday or spend hours together or that you need to see each other every day to make it work? I mean that doesn’t bring into your relationship all those necessary things like understanding and respect.

Relationships are very fragile. One wrong move and you could destroy everything. Besides it’s the 21^st century. You need to be practical rather that believe in the fairy tale love with ‘happily ever after’ endings. Sure, you’ll get your happily ever after but it won’t be the end. You’ll always need to work on your relationship.

Love may be slow and warm that’s as easy as breathing or it may be hot and passionate that leaves your head reeling and takes your breath away. There is nothing in love that’s platonic. If it’s platonic, it’s not love. But in the end, love is what makes the world goes round.

This is life...

             Every year as autumn approaches, the leaves slowly start turning color. Come autumn and the leaves present a vivid and bright picture with fiery red, dull yellow, golden and brown hues. When it’s nearly winter the leaves fall down and cover the ground beneath forming a beautiful carpet.

            But as spring comes, these leaves are swept away and the trees show cute little leaves taking the old ones’ place. These leaves are green and fresh and new. Then again the cycle repeats over and over again.

            Every time, at every stage, in every season, these leaves form a pretty picture for our eyes. Sometimes we stop to appreciate their beauty but at other times we are just too busy to care. We are so caught up in our everyday lives that we do not notice this event. We never stop to stare and ponder over its significance.

            When I see these leaves and think about them, I am hit with two very significant truths of life. One of them is something I already said. Our hectic and fast paced lives don’t give us any time to notice the beauty of things, whether they be as small as a crystal clear dew drop on a leaf or the majesty of the waves crashing against the shore. Beauty is the rainbow that spans the sky after a shower. Beauty is the picture that every rising and setting sun presents. Beauty is the gentle breathing of a sleeping baby. Beauty, if we look around, is everywhere. All we need is to take out time and admire it. As they say “A thing of beauty is a joy forever.” But we are too caught up in the race to be the best, we are afraid to stop and notice because someone will whip past us in the blink of an eye that we miss the beauty of the world that God’s created. We miss those little things in life that, even though are very insignificant, give it great meaning. We forget that it’s the little things in life that give it its real meaning.

            Looking at it again, we realize another truth of life. People come into our lives; some leave quickly, some stay a while and others share our lifelong journey. But every one of them touches our lives and we’re never ever the same. People always come into our lives for a reason. It’s not necessary that we understand the significance of their presence in our lives immediately but sooner or later we do. Every person in our life teaches us something; through words, actions or our experiences with them.

            People are just like leaves. They come into our lives, stay a while, change it and gradually fade away. Always new people take their place in our lives. And the cycle repeats itself over and over again. People come and go, times change and along with all this, so do us. Just like old leaves are swept away sometimes old friends are too. Sometimes we look back at them, at other times we don’t. That’s just life…

Educated leaders in India - what a joke!

                Want admission in a good college? Your aggregate should be at least 70 percent. Want to appear for civil service exams? You should at least hold a Bachelor’s degree. Want to be someone who runs the nation? Just make sure you’re a citizen of India and above the age of eighteen. Want to try for a higher post? Wait till you cross thirty. Now if that’s not a joke, then I wonder what is!

               We have people who don’t even know how to read and write properly governing our nation. Some don’t even know the national anthem properly! And then we wonder why decisions don’t come soon enough or why India, in this 21^st century, is still battling with problems of differences in caste, religion and sex.

               With education comes the ability to rise above these age old beliefs and customs but education is what our political leaders lack. It’s no wonder why even 65 years after our independence we have not risen up to our true potential.

               India is an emerging superpower with plenty of resources, amazing talent and promise. What is holding us back then? It’s just the educational barrier and the lack of better understanding and intellect that comes along with it.

               I ask you. How can the people who haven’t studied beyond the eighth or tenth standard decide how and what the children of the country should be educated? Do they have the qualifications to decide this or the knowledge?

               The solution to India’s problems lies only with the Election Commission of India. Some better reforms and higher qualifications for participating candidates is just a small beginning of a great future that the results will bring. A clean criminal record of participating candidates can be another step.

               When we look at the British and American Parliament, we find the qualifications as holding a Bachelor’s degree or in some cases even a Post Graduate degree. It’s no wonder that India is an emerging superpower that they are superpowers.

               So to the Election Commission I say: It’s time to rise above caste and religion and look at the bigger picture. It’s time to give India the chance to rise up to the challenge and live up to its true potential.

Pictures hold memories...

          Every picture holds memories; memories of friends, family and colleagues. Good memories, bad memories. Some memories are filled with love, some filled with regret, some with hatred. Some memories bring us happiness, some make us sad. Most memories bring tears to our eyes, tears of happiness and love or sorrow.

          Whatever the case may be, memories form a big part of our lives. Our memories define us; they make us who we are. Memories are just incidents that happened to us, moments that we lived, the mistakes we made and learned from. They are something we cannot ignore but sometimes there are a few memories that we unintentionally repress. These are memories of traumatic experiences.

          When I turn the pages of any album, I see a life story, whether it be mine or anyone else’s; memories that make the person’s life. It’s a walk down the memory lane. As you turn the pages over, you see a person evolve from a baby to an adult, the different phases of his or her life displayed across the pages, chronicled with great love and care. That’s also when you realize all the love in the person’s life, his success, his failures and all the milestones along the way.

          Every picture holds a memory, a beautiful story ready to be told. Pictures chronicle our lives. They trap our feelings in our smiles and our tears. Maybe that’s why they say that a picture speaks more than a thousand words.