Being selfish - justified?

          

          There was a time when my parents used to say that this is a selfish world have you have to think of yourself first rather than of others. They even used to scold me for being too selfless. And I used to think, "How can they be this way?" Now I guess I know better.

          I never thought I would ever see eye to eye with my parents upon this subject. Don't get me wrong, I respect and look up to them. But I am the kind of person who never accepts anything at face value. I need proof, I need practical examples or better experiences. And my experiences, even since I came to college, have taught me that yes, this is a selfish world and no one comes before oneself. It's only me, myself and God.

          It is kinda strange and those of you who think the way I used to think won't be comfortable with this theory. You will deny it, oppose it and label me as a 'selfish' person. But you know what? I don't care. Yeah, it's part of the new theory. If no one comes before you, neither does anything they have to say matters to you anymore.

          Okay, Lemme clarify a few things. By selfish I don't mean the kind of selfish who doesn't care for the feelings of others and their problems. For example, if you see a very thirsty person and you have water, it would be morally wrong and totally against humanity if you refuse him or her water. I know what I am saying doesn't make much sense but just think over it. The only person in the world who would want the best for you is you, yourself. Parents, friends, spouse or your partner come after that. You know your comfort zone better than anyone else. You know your capabilities and you know what you want. So the only one who could get you what you want is none other than your own self. You know your needs. And so you will look after them.

          How many times has it happened that you were thinking of others before yourself and then you were the only one who suffered? Just stop, look back and think about it. I did and I realized that this has happened with me a number of times. One of my friends continuously says to me that I a really sweet and nice because I think of others first. That I put them and their needs and comforts before mine. I never realized how wrong that sounded until much later. When I did, I was already hurt and there was nothing I could do about it. So I did what most people do. Vent my anger in the stupidest way possible. Facebook. I did the very thing I detest. But there, it's done and I can't change anything.

          But that day I did decide one thing. I was never gonna let people take advantage of me again. It'll be only me and my comfort and my needs first, before anyone else's. I was done being the 'sweet and nice' person.

          Don't misinterpret me please. My closest friends, who understand me and respect my feelings, my parents, my partner still hold more priority for me than I myself do. And they always will. That's the way I am and frankly, I will not have it any other way. But it's high time I stop inconveniencing myself for others. Those days are now gone. 

Love & Relationships

            Alright, I know. The most debated, discussed and worn out topic in the world. And I am not talking about love for parents and children. It’s like been there, done that, time and again. But I still got things to say.

Love – the most misinterpreted feeling in the world. How many number of times do people confuse so many other things with love? Crush, infatuation, lust, obsession…there are so many wide range of feelings and emotions that people confuse with being in love. Mostly they just don’t know the difference. Other times they are so obsessed with the concept of love that they start to imagine they are in love. Sometimes they just need someone to accept them and care for them and wherever they get the attention they delude themselves to thinking that it’s love.

So, I ask you the oldest question in the history of time. What is love? The Oxford dictionary defines love as, “a strong emotion of affection and personal attachment.” But if you ask me, the Oxford dictionary couldn’t have been more wrong.

Love, according to me, is an emotion that can never be put into words. Unless you’ve been in love you can never understand what it is. Love is not just affection and attachment though I agree there’s plenty of that too. Love is understanding, respect, care, support, trust and selflessness. Love is not allowing your ego to come between the two of you. It’s about ‘us’ and not ‘you’ or ‘me’.

I recently attended a lecture by a psychiatrist on this very topic – What is love? And what all she said was damn true. But what she said about long distance relationships? Not so much. Whether a long distance relationship works or not depends on the people involved. It depends on their understanding of each other and their willingness to make it work. As they say, where there is a will, there is a way. Who said you need to look into each other’s eyes everyday or spend hours together or that you need to see each other every day to make it work? I mean that doesn’t bring into your relationship all those necessary things like understanding and respect.

Relationships are very fragile. One wrong move and you could destroy everything. Besides it’s the 21^st century. You need to be practical rather that believe in the fairy tale love with ‘happily ever after’ endings. Sure, you’ll get your happily ever after but it won’t be the end. You’ll always need to work on your relationship.

Love may be slow and warm that’s as easy as breathing or it may be hot and passionate that leaves your head reeling and takes your breath away. There is nothing in love that’s platonic. If it’s platonic, it’s not love. But in the end, love is what makes the world goes round.